pay it forward day

Remember that concept...
From the movie...
With the cute kid?

The idea is to pay it forward-do something for three individuals with no expectation of anything in return except that they do the same for three other people.

It's pretty simple but has the power to change how we live.

Some random dude on Facebook has decided that December 1st, 2010 is his second annual Pay it Forward day and invited some friends to join along.  My first thought was to ignore it.  Then I looked at the response.  Currently, over 392,000 people have pledged to just so one thing nice tomorrow for someone else.  Even if a fraction actually remember and DO something-that's HUGE!

So I'm in.
And I hope you will be too.

If you do something kind for someone else there is a good chance they will do the same-and if not-you've at least done something kind for the day.  It doesn't have to be big and it doesn't have to be public-no one even has to know!

Buy someone's coffee.
Pay a bridge toll for the car behind you.
Donate something useful.

Can't wait to be creative and look for good deeds to do tomorrow!
Hope you'll join in...

What better way to start the month of December!

-McGee

permission.

Sitting in the front yard playing with the two littlest.
Soapy D with her jump rope and Little Man on his scooter.
Look up from my book to see Soapy D start to cry.

“What’s wrong kiddo?”
“Little Man t-t-t-took my ju-ju-ju-ump rope.”
“Sweetheart. Stop crying about it and just tell him you want it back.”

It was like watching lightening strike.
Her face went from sad to fierce in 2 seconds flat.
“LITTLE MAN. I WANT MY JUMP ROPE BACK!”

It was like she just needed permission to stand up for herself.

It’s kinda funny, more like a sad funny, that we girls tend to do this thing. This thing where we start to cry and look for people around us to hug us and wipe up tears and solve our problems rather than stand up for ourselves. Once I told Soapy D that she needed to just tell Little Man to give it back it was like a light went on in her head and she just flipped a switch. She put those hands on her little hips, stomped her foot and got the angry look while demanding her jump rope be returned.

She just needed permission.

I wonder how often I’ve done this as a grown woman. How many times did I cry and whine and complain about how unfair something while waiting for someone to step in and make things right and fair in the world?  Do I stomp my feet and wait for someone else to come and rescue me? 

What would it look like it I stood up for myself and getting what I wanted by doing what I needed to do?  What if I could empower myself to just ask for what I need in any situation or relationship?

Hmmm. Something to ponder for sure.

Need permission?
You have mine!

-McGee

it is what it is. isn't it?

I have a problem.
A junk drawer kind of thing.
I don’t like to yield.
And I’m not very accepting of scenarios I don’t like.

I don’t like accepting things for what they are when they are painful or unacceptable to me. After my last post, a reader left awesome thoughts in a comment and quoted from 12 step literature the following:

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation, some fact of my life, unacceptable to me and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.”

So. I’m going to stay disturbed for as long as I am unwilling to accept that things in front of me as they are. I’ve always struggled with the notion of acceptance as though by accepting something unacceptable I was giving it my blessing. As though my un-acceptance of you and your craziness will literally make you change your ways. (I’m powerful like that.) I’m realizing that acceptance is not the same as approval or agreement. I can accept what is without endorsing it or embracing it. Acceptance is a sanity mechanism.

The more I fight against the unacceptable, the less sane I am.
Who stares at the grass and says it should be red
just because they don’t like green?
(Apparently me.)
Accept that grass is green and deal with the fact you don’t like it.

As I have been sitting with this realization, I recalled something I heard at the Moxy Project early this year-a Taoist saying that I continue to uncover meanings to…

When two great forces collide,

the victory goes to the one that knows how to yield.

At first, I really thought that there was wisdom in the concept that if you can put your ego aside and be the one to yield by going along with the other person, you win. Sally and John don’t agree. Sally doesn’t want to argue so she goes along with that John wants to keep the peace. Voila. She who yields wins in the grand scheme of life.

But now I’m coming from a place of accepting reality even if it’s ugly and I’m realizing there is likely a more impactful meaning to the saying. Perhaps to yield is to step aside and let others continue on as you do the same in your life. Is it possible that the meaning of this is to say “Go ahead with your crazy. I’m not going to stop you. But I also won’t participate. Be on your way and go on with your bad self!”

Refusing to yield for me has been the same as railing against acceptance. The truth always happens. Life is what it is regardless of what I think it should be. I create a whole lot of work for myself and invest a ton of emotional energy on this.

I’m having a big ah-ha here.

Now here’s my problem though…
When you know better, you do better.

So now that I know…
I guess I have some work to do.

-McGee

which part is mine?

I’ve been told…

I’m stubborn.
I’m thick headed.
I’m insanely beautiful.
But I digress.

I think God knew that I was going to be that way. Rather than just spell it all out for me in plain English He sends other people to touch my life and one of them was Michael McLean.

Never met the dude.
But I’m a fan.
Mostly because he got through my thick skull.

Mr. McLean is a very talented song writer whose music touches me and generally brings me to tears or to my knees-both are common responses to his work. There is one song that will likely follow me to the grave. I heard it once years ago and haven’t forgotten even a word of it since, “Which Part is Mine.”

The song takes a young girl through motherhood with the constant struggle of not being sure which part is hers and which part is belongs to someone else; her singing partner, her husband, and then she hits a moment in life where she realizes the struggle is bigger than that.

Which part is mine?

And God?

Which part is yours?

Can you tell me one more time, I’m never quite sure.

Then I won’t cross the line,

Like I have before.

But it gets so confusing sometimes.

Do I do more or trust the divine?

Can you please, tell me which part is mine

And which part is yours.

Sometimes the line is so blurry. I mean-do I just have faith that things will work out if I let go and let God or do I need to exhaust every option first with my own sweat and tears? I find myself often whispering those words “which part is mine and which part is yours” late at night in earnest, hoping to see clearer where the line is.

I want to intervene in any situation I think I can make a difference. I want to shield our kids from the horrors of the world. I want to help people through circumstances that I don’t think they can handle on their own. All noble desires. But there’s a limit. And there are boundaries. I have a part, but it’s only a part of a very large picture.

I’m still not sure.
And I’m VERY stubborn.
But the more I ask, the clearer it becomes.

-McGee

lessons from a menace

I'm a smart girl.
I have smart friends.
Educated, well read, lots of life experiences
And yet sometimes, just sometimes, we fall short.
Sometimes we just don't know what to do.

And that just frustrates the hell out of us smart girls.

I saw this cartoon on Facebook today and all I could think of was how I've felt that way more than once in my grown up life. I'm sure my kids have felt that way and surely that was the intended thought behind the cartoon but it rang true for me.

It brought to mind a conversation I had with a dear friend months ago. We were both lamenting different frustrations and circumstances we were clumsily maneuvering in our lives. My lightbulb went off. Why on earth would we know how to do this right or get through this without missteps? We've never been here before. We've never gotten over this hurdle before. We're still learning!

All this to say-life is messy and challenging and generally less than graceful. Our task is to persevere and keep walking forward. It won't always come easy. We will often feel like we don't know what to do next. I tend to think I should know this already-I should know the answers, the path, the plan. But I’m learning that it takes humility to realize what Dennis the Menace was saying all this time…

"I don’t know HOW to act this age.
I’ve never BEEN this age before!"

Cutting myself some slack…McGee

true colors

I've written this post a few times.

It keeps falling short.

Maybe I'll be better able to do it tommorrow.

For today?

just watch.

If it's to get better than we all need to stop and look around.

Be nice.

See others for who they are.

And pray they do the same for you.