the play book.

Put me in coach.

I’m ready to play!
Just tell me what to do!

Oh wait.
You thought I was talking about basketball?
Maybe softball?

Nah.
This is my current conversation with the big man.
The one upstairs.

You see…I’m a list maker. I write things I’ve already done, on to do lists, just so I can start the list off with things I can already cross off! I’m a planner. Let’s make a plan and carry it through. There is safety and security in that. I can fly by the seat of my pants and live moment to moment (Pretty Woman, anyone?) but I do it best when I know what the grand plan is!

So when I make a plan…
And God laughs…
I start to worry.

Where is the book?
The play book.

The one that tells me what to do next and how to proceed.
The book that calls all the shots so I don’t have to.
The one that takes the calculated risk, knowing all that can happen and has a back up plan ready to go in case Play #1 doesn’t work out.

I believe in a higher power.
Other than Oprah.
Although I think she’s grand.

I believe that there is a plan for us but I also believe we have free agency-best gift ever-it means that God may know what’s best for us and sees our potential, however, we get to choose what to do in any given situation. Here’s the thing…I love that. I do! But I hate that other people get free agency! And I know that hate is a strong word and you shouldn’t use it all the time but I hate it. Why can’t everyone just do according to McGee’s plan?

(Insert insane laughter at my own expense here. No really. It’s ok. Laugh your ass off at me. I have learned to laugh at me and you can too!)

I was talking to a dear friend who’s in a situation that I’ve been in before. (Which, by the way, makes me feel very useful and that my pain is not for nothing-to be able to give guidance and love to another human being based on your own experience, strength and hope is divine.) And I realized that no matter how many times we’ve been in someone else’s shoes, we still can’t tell them what’s right or wrong or assume we know what’s right for them.

We can listen.
And love.
Offer an ear…
And a hug.

But at the end of the day we each make our own decisions based on what our own hearts and lives can handle. And that’s different for each of us. (Thank you Amy Ellen for those words of wisdom!) And that’s ok. It’s part of the plan.

And then I wonder if that play book did exist…

Wouldn’t that take away the point of this life?
Wouldn’t that take away our risk?
Would life be as painful?
But would it also be as rewarding?

And as pleasant as that sounds at the time…to have no true risk...
I believe Garth Brooks when he said…or sang…

"Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire."

So back into the fire I go.
Without a play book.
But with lots of heart and a little bit of faith.

(And can I just use the “H” word again and point out that I kinda hate it when I start a blog in the place of “why can’t it be easier” and then end it from a place of “duh, silly, it’s not easy and it’s supposed to be that way?” Thanks.)

-McGee

sorry's.

Why is it so hard?

No...
I’m not talking about putting down the chocolate.
Or loving your enemies.
Or even finding the motivation to work out.

Why is it so hard to say I’m sorry?
It’s never fun.
It’s rarely something we look forward to doing.

In fact…the minute something flies out of my mouth that I know shouldn’t have I instantly start dreading the apology I owe.

After having made a disaster of a week with Mr. Man and anyone else in my path I was having lunch with my girl Jen and explaining that I wasn’t even sure who was being more of an ass-myself or my loved ones.

She said something that will probably stick with me forever.
She told me this thing that changed the way I think about apologies.

Saying sorry doesn’t take anything away from who you are.
You never lose by saying I’m sorry.

So I did.
Don’t be too proud of me…
I started with an easy one.

Remember my toxic friend? The one I had to say my two cents to and then walk away gracefully? (see here) Well…here’s the thing…during our friendship she had constantly berated this other mutual person…and I totally bought into the hype and the gossip and as a result treated that person in a way I’m not proud of.

So I apologized.
And she was like…ok-thanks-I understand now-let’s move on.
It was awesome!

Now on to the harder ones…sigh.

-McGee

63 in 60

Where have I been you ask?

Where has McGee gone?
Why isn’t she writing?

I will tell you…
I’ve been here…

And as a result.
At night.
In my sleep.
All I hear over and over again is…

"Holy Monkey, that was funky
Moooove it over, Moooove it over."

Or

"Suzie is her number.
5 is her name.
Even though we’re mixed up,
We’re gonna win this game."

You see.
With three of the kids in sports…
63 games in 60 days.
That’s a lot of softball and tball.

I have had the honor of serving on the board of a softball organization along side 12 other volunteers, countless coaches and managers, and hundreds of parents to produce a softball season where 322 girls came to play and left it all out on the field.

There is nothing more rewarding than hearing a group of girls cheering each other on and then vowing to come back again next year and do it all over again.

But my favorite moment?
It had nothing to do with the score.

Mini McGee is playing first base at the Championship Game. A girl from the other team hits it to short, short throws to Mini McGee who reaches just into the line to catch the ball and as she does she gets caught up in the runner. A MAJOR tumble ensues where both girls look like a dust storm. As a mom-I hold my breath for a minute, waiting to see both girls stand up in one piece. As a coach-I hope she’s holding on to that ball tight! They both get up-runner is safe and they both dust themselves off.

Then.
There’s the moment.
The one that I love...

Mini-McGee reaches out her hand,
Right before the next pitch,
To high five her rival with a grin.
Because it’s all about good softball.

Winning is great.
Talent is awesome.
Connections made on that field
will last far beyond the talent or the score.
And for that-it’s all worth it!

Oh.
And.
I’m baaaaaack!

-McGee