it's different. and that's ok!

Imagine...

Christmas growing up.
No less than 40 people.
Grandma’s house.
Food, fun, cousins.
Best sort of chaos.

Fast forward 20 (or so) years.
Christmas.
Just the six of us.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where I got stuck.
With the word “just.”

Growing up the oldest of 40 grandkids (give or take a couple-but literally only a couple) where most of us lived within a ten mile radius I had a rather unique childhood. Problem is…I didn’t realize that it was unique. Who WASN’T best friends with their cousins? Who DIDN’T bounce between aunts houses on the weekend to hang out? Who DIDN’T do every Sunday dinner at Grandma’s and have to fight for a place to sit? I grew up with the idea that when I had kids I would create the exact same atmosphere. Because surely that was the one and only way to successfully raise kids-right?

Jump forward through marriage, children, divorce.
Major move away from my mom and sisters, remarriage, etc.

The last two years I have really had a love/hate relationship with my decision to live a 6 hour drive from my extended family. Being the oldest of six girls there is a blessing in not being in the hub-staying out of the drama and loving my family even more when I do get to see them. At the holidays, however, it’s a struggle to hear about great gatherings that our little family is not a part of simply because of distance.

In the midst of my annual holiday pity party this year, Mr. Man reminded me that WE chose this, my mother and sisters did not. I really needed to reexamine expectations of both our little family and my extended family and remember that WE moved, not them. (Side note: sometimes it’s a bummer when he is so right.)  I set on my way to adjust my attitude and see the joy in the “just.”

Christmas Eve was a delight. As my friends posted on Facebook that they were running to the inlaws house or getting everyone dressed and ready, I enjoyed Mr. Man and the four little one’s making a “roast beast” for dinner in our pj’s. We played games we hadn’t played before. We hung out. We laughed. “Just” the six of us. We made cookies and put out carrots for Santa’s reindeer. We read The Story. The kids all slept tucked in together in the same room.

Peaceful. Loving. Calm. Amazing. Fun.

And different.

Christmas morning started at 6am (perks of being divorced parents = kid free weekends, downfall = sharing kids on Christmas leads to very early mornings!) We unwrapped and enjoyed ourselves until it was time for the kids to head to their other parents houses by 10am. By 11am, Mr. Man and I took a deep breath and reveled in our Christmas celebration "just" the six of us.

The thing is…I always wanted to recreate what I had as a kid because I felt so blessed by it. But the truth always happens and what the truth reminded me is that different can also be great!

Different is often scary.
But more often than not it’s also a great new adventure.

Different is ok.
Different has been a blessing.

Just the six of us is exactly where we belonged.

Who knew?

(OK-Mr. Man knew but that’s beside the point.)

-McGee

guilty pleasures.

Found a new blog I'm slightly in love with.
When I find one I like...
I will read it.
No.
Like ALL of it. 
To the first post ever.

It's called The Mormon Child Bride. 
Click the name and check it out.
It's not what you think, necessarily.
She's irreverant, liberal and hillarious!

She shared things she likes (that she's not supposed to)
Which got me thinking about guilty pleasures...
(Other than blogs...not guilty pleasures, just time consuming!)

A few come to mind:

Jersey Shore. 
Look.  I said guilty-get over it.

Facebook. 
Slightly obsessive habit.

Spray cheese in a can. 
No comment.

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. 
Other peoples chaos is a train wreck I can't pass up!

Kid free weekends. 
2x a month.  Perk to being divorced. 
Don't judge until you've been there!

KFC Coleslaw.
Like crack.  Don't know why.

TMZ.
I think celebrity's need their privacy. 
But I read it daily.

What are your guilty pleasures?
Tell me I'm not alone here!

-McGee

mini-McGee goes to high school.

Mini-McGee is literally just that.
A mini-me.
Physically, emotionally, athletically…
It’s like a carbon copy of my heart beats outside of my chest.

Mini-McGee starting high school this year was bizarre. She’s very age appropriate, an amazing student, a great athlete and has a really good group of friends so it’s not like I was worried about what SHE would be doing as much as the fact that she would be going to school every day with (practically) grown men! The difference between a Freshman and a Senior is all of a sudden staggering.

*Sidenote* To my mom and dad. I’m so sorry. You were right and I was wrong. It’s not ok for a Freshman girl to go out with a Senior boy. I totally get it now. Totally.

I had the awesome opportunity to watch her first high school basketball game last week and walked away loving who she is even more. I watched Mini-McGee play hard, lead her team, acknowledge the other team members with exceptional sportsmanship and stay out of the nastiest physical girl fight I’ve ever seen even while her team nearly cleared the bench to participate. (That last one was an eye opener-we are no longer in the proverbial “Kansas” anymore!)

It’s an amazing thing.
Watching your little girl.
And seeing glimpses of the woman she will become.
Scratch that.
Is already becoming.

And…
Then…
She was invited to play Varsity for a tournament.
As a Freshman.
And I watched her giggle and nearly jump for joy.

Today is a good day.
Her win’s are hers, for sure…
But I relish in them with her!

-McGee, proud mommy of a high school girl

december gratitude list

My sister passed on an excellent idea yesterday.

Start a gratitude list on December 1st.
Add 5 things you're grateful for each day until January 1st.

Think it will change your life.
Well.
At least your December.

The thing is-that's a big list and you'll have to get creative!
Up for the challenge?

I'm off to make my day 2 list.
Starting with being grateful there are more than two of you out there reading this!

-McGee

pay it forward day

Remember that concept...
From the movie...
With the cute kid?

The idea is to pay it forward-do something for three individuals with no expectation of anything in return except that they do the same for three other people.

It's pretty simple but has the power to change how we live.

Some random dude on Facebook has decided that December 1st, 2010 is his second annual Pay it Forward day and invited some friends to join along.  My first thought was to ignore it.  Then I looked at the response.  Currently, over 392,000 people have pledged to just so one thing nice tomorrow for someone else.  Even if a fraction actually remember and DO something-that's HUGE!

So I'm in.
And I hope you will be too.

If you do something kind for someone else there is a good chance they will do the same-and if not-you've at least done something kind for the day.  It doesn't have to be big and it doesn't have to be public-no one even has to know!

Buy someone's coffee.
Pay a bridge toll for the car behind you.
Donate something useful.

Can't wait to be creative and look for good deeds to do tomorrow!
Hope you'll join in...

What better way to start the month of December!

-McGee

permission.

Sitting in the front yard playing with the two littlest.
Soapy D with her jump rope and Little Man on his scooter.
Look up from my book to see Soapy D start to cry.

“What’s wrong kiddo?”
“Little Man t-t-t-took my ju-ju-ju-ump rope.”
“Sweetheart. Stop crying about it and just tell him you want it back.”

It was like watching lightening strike.
Her face went from sad to fierce in 2 seconds flat.
“LITTLE MAN. I WANT MY JUMP ROPE BACK!”

It was like she just needed permission to stand up for herself.

It’s kinda funny, more like a sad funny, that we girls tend to do this thing. This thing where we start to cry and look for people around us to hug us and wipe up tears and solve our problems rather than stand up for ourselves. Once I told Soapy D that she needed to just tell Little Man to give it back it was like a light went on in her head and she just flipped a switch. She put those hands on her little hips, stomped her foot and got the angry look while demanding her jump rope be returned.

She just needed permission.

I wonder how often I’ve done this as a grown woman. How many times did I cry and whine and complain about how unfair something while waiting for someone to step in and make things right and fair in the world?  Do I stomp my feet and wait for someone else to come and rescue me? 

What would it look like it I stood up for myself and getting what I wanted by doing what I needed to do?  What if I could empower myself to just ask for what I need in any situation or relationship?

Hmmm. Something to ponder for sure.

Need permission?
You have mine!

-McGee

it is what it is. isn't it?

I have a problem.
A junk drawer kind of thing.
I don’t like to yield.
And I’m not very accepting of scenarios I don’t like.

I don’t like accepting things for what they are when they are painful or unacceptable to me. After my last post, a reader left awesome thoughts in a comment and quoted from 12 step literature the following:

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation, some fact of my life, unacceptable to me and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.”

So. I’m going to stay disturbed for as long as I am unwilling to accept that things in front of me as they are. I’ve always struggled with the notion of acceptance as though by accepting something unacceptable I was giving it my blessing. As though my un-acceptance of you and your craziness will literally make you change your ways. (I’m powerful like that.) I’m realizing that acceptance is not the same as approval or agreement. I can accept what is without endorsing it or embracing it. Acceptance is a sanity mechanism.

The more I fight against the unacceptable, the less sane I am.
Who stares at the grass and says it should be red
just because they don’t like green?
(Apparently me.)
Accept that grass is green and deal with the fact you don’t like it.

As I have been sitting with this realization, I recalled something I heard at the Moxy Project early this year-a Taoist saying that I continue to uncover meanings to…

When two great forces collide,

the victory goes to the one that knows how to yield.

At first, I really thought that there was wisdom in the concept that if you can put your ego aside and be the one to yield by going along with the other person, you win. Sally and John don’t agree. Sally doesn’t want to argue so she goes along with that John wants to keep the peace. Voila. She who yields wins in the grand scheme of life.

But now I’m coming from a place of accepting reality even if it’s ugly and I’m realizing there is likely a more impactful meaning to the saying. Perhaps to yield is to step aside and let others continue on as you do the same in your life. Is it possible that the meaning of this is to say “Go ahead with your crazy. I’m not going to stop you. But I also won’t participate. Be on your way and go on with your bad self!”

Refusing to yield for me has been the same as railing against acceptance. The truth always happens. Life is what it is regardless of what I think it should be. I create a whole lot of work for myself and invest a ton of emotional energy on this.

I’m having a big ah-ha here.

Now here’s my problem though…
When you know better, you do better.

So now that I know…
I guess I have some work to do.

-McGee

which part is mine?

I’ve been told…

I’m stubborn.
I’m thick headed.
I’m insanely beautiful.
But I digress.

I think God knew that I was going to be that way. Rather than just spell it all out for me in plain English He sends other people to touch my life and one of them was Michael McLean.

Never met the dude.
But I’m a fan.
Mostly because he got through my thick skull.

Mr. McLean is a very talented song writer whose music touches me and generally brings me to tears or to my knees-both are common responses to his work. There is one song that will likely follow me to the grave. I heard it once years ago and haven’t forgotten even a word of it since, “Which Part is Mine.”

The song takes a young girl through motherhood with the constant struggle of not being sure which part is hers and which part is belongs to someone else; her singing partner, her husband, and then she hits a moment in life where she realizes the struggle is bigger than that.

Which part is mine?

And God?

Which part is yours?

Can you tell me one more time, I’m never quite sure.

Then I won’t cross the line,

Like I have before.

But it gets so confusing sometimes.

Do I do more or trust the divine?

Can you please, tell me which part is mine

And which part is yours.

Sometimes the line is so blurry. I mean-do I just have faith that things will work out if I let go and let God or do I need to exhaust every option first with my own sweat and tears? I find myself often whispering those words “which part is mine and which part is yours” late at night in earnest, hoping to see clearer where the line is.

I want to intervene in any situation I think I can make a difference. I want to shield our kids from the horrors of the world. I want to help people through circumstances that I don’t think they can handle on their own. All noble desires. But there’s a limit. And there are boundaries. I have a part, but it’s only a part of a very large picture.

I’m still not sure.
And I’m VERY stubborn.
But the more I ask, the clearer it becomes.

-McGee

lessons from a menace

I'm a smart girl.
I have smart friends.
Educated, well read, lots of life experiences
And yet sometimes, just sometimes, we fall short.
Sometimes we just don't know what to do.

And that just frustrates the hell out of us smart girls.

I saw this cartoon on Facebook today and all I could think of was how I've felt that way more than once in my grown up life. I'm sure my kids have felt that way and surely that was the intended thought behind the cartoon but it rang true for me.

It brought to mind a conversation I had with a dear friend months ago. We were both lamenting different frustrations and circumstances we were clumsily maneuvering in our lives. My lightbulb went off. Why on earth would we know how to do this right or get through this without missteps? We've never been here before. We've never gotten over this hurdle before. We're still learning!

All this to say-life is messy and challenging and generally less than graceful. Our task is to persevere and keep walking forward. It won't always come easy. We will often feel like we don't know what to do next. I tend to think I should know this already-I should know the answers, the path, the plan. But I’m learning that it takes humility to realize what Dennis the Menace was saying all this time…

"I don’t know HOW to act this age.
I’ve never BEEN this age before!"

Cutting myself some slack…McGee

true colors

I've written this post a few times.

It keeps falling short.

Maybe I'll be better able to do it tommorrow.

For today?

just watch.

If it's to get better than we all need to stop and look around.

Be nice.

See others for who they are.

And pray they do the same for you.

another list.

It's so easy to get bogged down.
There are jerks, money stress, unpleasant situations,
Did I say jerks yet?
But the reality is, a little perspective goes a long way.

So.
I'm making a list.
(not checking it twice-still have 59 days before THAT list!)
Time for a gratitude list!

I'm grateful for...in no particular order...

• Friends that have become an extension of our family
• Warm socks on a cold day
• Silly kids who are also good human beings
• Vanilla Tootsie Rolls
• Living in a house that I love in Los Angeles, which I love!
• Being the oldest of six very different sisters
• The Warriors opening the season with a WIN
• Tickets to see Stone Temple Pilots tomorrow night
• My faith in humanity
• The endless encouragement of good friends to follow my dreams
• A husband I adore and who adores me.  And likes to snuggle!

Just a little list to start my day.
I found that spending a day in gratitude, on purpose, changes my perspective.  And it could use an adjustment about now!

What are you grateful for?

-McGee

amy ellen morgan rocks.

There's this girl.

She's my best friend.

And she is fiercely amazing.

And it's her birthday!

So, here are the top ten reasons

I LOVE AMY ELLEN MORGAN!

10.  She has crazy beautiful jet black hair
AND she knows how to work it.

9.  She is freaking adoreable.  For real.

8.  She makes an insanely cute baby-love to little Jackson!

And she is an incredibly loving and sweet mommy.

7.  She is a superb listener.

6.  But when she listens and I'm being an idiot-
she loves me enough to tell me so.

5.  She drove 908 miles round trip with her 6 month old and her hubby just to be there for my wedding reception.  At a bowling ally.  And she didn't complain once!  (At least not to me.)

4.  She has a good picker-her hubby Josh is a keeper!

3.  She has the most friendly eyes and contageous smile and laugh.

They are enough to brighten even the most painfully frustrating day.

2.  She has rad music taste and likes to get down...
even if she's wearing a wedding gown. 

(I think she gets it from her momma!)

And the NUMBER ONE reason I love Amy...

 Amy is the best example I know of being a true friend.  She is herself and that allows me to be totally comfortable in being myself in her presence.  She honors who I am by honoring who she is.  She is loyal almost to a fault and loves wholeheartedly even when it hurts.  She is the first example I have experienced first hand of what a true, honest, nurturing friendship between two women can be and for that I am eternally blessed and grateful!

Amy Ellen Morgan...

You ARE the bomb.  Girl.

LOVE YOU!
-McGee

fortune cookie.

Went to lunch with the boss at PF Changs.
(Hey.  I'm in the auto industry.  There HAS to be an occassional perk.)

Fortune cookie says:
"Success will come through in your plan."

Oh Crap.

I need a plan.

I know, I know..."to hell with the plan" is what I said last week.
But let's face it, I have a vajay-jay, I change my mind often.

The thing is, I'm frustrated beyond belief at working a jobby job that is wholly unfullfilling while watching people I adore work in jobs that are part of their passion and are completely awesome and amazing.  I know I need to remember to be grateful for a job at this point in the economy but then I feel like my Grandmother for saying so. 

But what now?  How do I really make a worthwhile change?
Or should I adjust my expectations and deal with it?

Mostly, I'm sharing this to scream from the rooftops that I don't have it all figured out.  I don't know everything.  Sure.  I can solve YOUR problems but mine take a little more finesse-mostly because I tend to get in my own way! 

I really want to write a book.  (Ok.  Two actually.)
I would love to go back to speaking.
And really-why didn't I become a teacher?

There.
I said it outloud.

Now you know.
And I think I need to make a plan.

Fortune cookie says so.

-McGee

I'm (a little more) famous!

Special treat! 

One of my all time favorite bloggers graced me with the honor of guest blogger for the week!

Check out what I had to say about the voices in my head!

And while you're there, read down a bit-she has fabulous things to say!

http://themoxyprojectblog.com/

-McGee

junk drawer.

I love moving.

I must-I’ve lived in 16 houses in my 34 years!

I love the process.
I love packing up our most valuable possessions and rearranging them in a new place.
But I am obsessed with the junk.
I love to de-clutter and throw away the junk that’s just been getting in the way.

Except that ever elusive junk drawer.
I’m not a fan.

It’s the last thing to pack, which means it doesn’t get sorted through at all. It’s more of an “I’m so tired of packing that I’m just going to toss this all in a box and go through it when we’re settled at the new place” kind of thing.

Except then it sits in the garage.
Untouched.
While a new junk drawer is forming organically on it’s own.
Forgotten only until you need that one thing that you can’t find or it’s time to clean out the garage because you’re packing up and moving to the next place.

So I was at church the other day.
(I know…random…but follow me for a minute)
And during a quiet moment found myself uttering a prayer that went something like this…

“God, I need a little help here. I need to make some changes, I’ve made a mess of my life. Wait. That’s not true. I haven’t made a mess. More like I have some stuff I need to adjust and get better at. Kind of like my own personal junk drawer.”

(And the blogger in me rejoiced! A new post was brewing!)

I’ve been doing some soul searching lately (remember project me?) and I’m really proud of the big things in life I’ve been able to get through, push through and make happen. I have a good job, great kids who are happy and healthy, Mr. Man and I are freshly, happily married. I’ve been through some rough patches but managed to get back up, dust myself off and keep moving forward. That’s big! That doesn’t equate to “God, I’ve really made a mess of my life.”

But.
It’s the junk drawer stuff that gets me.

It’s in the details. The way I micromanage or learn to let go. It’s the way I force my control on others or allow them space to do their own thing. It’s the character flaws that don’t derail my life but are unpleasant when they go unchecked. At least that’s what all of my people tell me it is…unpleasant.

THOSE are the junk drawer.
And it’s totally easy to stick them in a box and ignore them.
They aren’t that important to daily life.
And I’m doing pretty good anyway.

But then there’s a moment,
A situation,
An issue.
Where the junk drawer traits rear their ugly heads.

So I’m left with this prayerful attitude and realization.
Goes a little something like this…

“God, I know life is pretty good. And I’m grateful for the people I’ve been blessed with in my life and the strength I’ve been given to get me where I am today. But I have a few things that I have neglected, reasoned away or made excuses for. I’m far from perfect and I have some work to do. I would like some help cleaning up my junk drawer.”

I like this prayer better.
And while I’m not a fan of the junk drawer,
I think it may be time to de-clutter it.

-McGee

plan b.

Remember “to hell with the plans?”

I do.
And I’m taking it to heart!

By the time you’re reading this I will likely be Mrs. Mr. Man!

You see…

We’ve planned a big wedding, bought the big dress and life happened.
And it was stressful.
And expensive.
And we weren’t having any fun.

So we ditched the plan, or rather put it to bed for awhile.
Inspired by our most recent trip to Vegas, we changed the plan.

Court house chapel.
Clothes we like to wear.

We’re doing it our way.

We have a great party planned another night with our nearest and dearest where we will celebrate our new family with our children at our sides dressed to the nines where we will dance and play into the evening!

But tonight?
Tonight is just about us.
Together.
In love.

To hell with the plans.

This works better.
This is more fun.

This is who we are!

-McGee

little MANnerisms

Little Miss and Little Man share a bedroom.

Little Miss is 12.  Little Man is 6.

Yet I break up arguments and referee fights often.

Late last night I heard bickering WAY after I had tucked them in.

I walked in to see what was wrong and before I could say a word...

Little Man yells...

"MOM.  Little Miss won't shut her PINEAPPLE."

(read...pie hole)

(Incidentally-I win the mom of the year award for thiis picture.  We were at the store with my little sister when we caught him trying on these glasses.  He didn't want his picture taken in them though.  It was one of those "If you want ice cream you better do this rediculous thing I'm asking you to do and smile while you're at it" kinda thing. 
Hence the lovely look on his cute little face.)

Good times!

-McGee

little MANnerisms

Introducing...Soapy D.

(That's just her gangster name.)

She is our super picky and uber shy kiddo.

But tonight, for dinner,  we mixed it up a bit.

And introduced her to In and Out.

As she finds herself loving her cheeseburger she realizes it looks like a smiley face and prompts me to take a picture of her holding her burger up to her face.

Once I show it to her, she proudly proclaims at the top of her lungs

"That is really cool!  I AM REALLY, REALLY CUTE!"

Followed by silence.
And then hysterical laughing.

Can't teach that kind of self esteem to a teen!
God bless the 3 year olds!

-McGee

ugly.

When I lived in Texas, I heard a mom say the worst thing to her tall, blonde, tan beautiful daughter...

“Don’t be ugly.”

It was in reference to her attitude but I was so taken back. Why on earth would a mom ever tell her daughter she was ugly??? I didn’t have kids yet, but I did know everything and I knew that mom sucked.

And then I had kids.

Daughters.

And then they became teenagers.

I saw all sorts of girls they went to school with who were beautiful girls with designer clothes but were also the most hideously mean little snatches I ever did see.

And I understood.

THAT is ugly.

It’s a wonder I didn’t see it in my own experiences with women. In hindsight, there are many girls and women in my life that had all the outward signs of beauty. They had all the right clothes, the right friends, the right husbands. They knew all the right people, drove the right cars, had the right hair. But when it came to how they treated the people around them, they were, simply put, ugly.

I have also been fortunate enough to have women in my life who are stunningly beautiful. The thing they have in common is not their hair, their cars, their perfect husbands or their clothing. It’s the grace with which they allow others to be who they are and love them endlessly. Those are the women I actively seek out, who’s beauty is warming and hopefully contagious.

Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder.

It is in the way we treat one another.

So to my girls…Soapy D, Little Miss and Mini McGee…and for good measure-Little Man too…to you I say, don’t be ugly, for it IS a choice.

I strive to be beautiful and raise beautiful children.

And if they also happen to have great hair than I’ll take that too!

-McGee

It's all about who you know...

In Los Angeles it's always about who you know.
I always know someone, who knows someone.
It’s pretty exciting.
I’m not going to lie!

Like, seriously.
I know someone who knows Will Smith's friend.
For real.

But the more exciting thing is that I know people, who know people, who know some really important things and are willing to share their wisdom.

For example…

I was hanging with my girl Jen the other day and she knew this girl, who knew some important things, who told her that if life feels overwhelming we should be aware of the ratio of the amount of people we have in our life that we are trying to help or save vs. the amount of people in our life we look up to.

See?

It pays to know people, who know people.

I’ve been thinking about this all night.
It’s become a bit of a momentary obsession, really.
(Enough to blog twice in one day!)
What does that ratio really say about me?
What is the healthy ratio to strive for?
When can I meet this smart girl my friend knows?
(Although I hear she has a great blog-check it out- Click HERE)

I think our responsibility in life is to give back, to help those who need help, to inspire and lift up those around us that need a hand. However. At times I have made it my personal mission to save people to the point of diminishing returns to my own life. And oddly enough, most of those people I’m saving? They never even wanted to be saved and surely didn’t appoint me their personal savior! (I am sure that, had they known how great I really was, they would have paid for my services though.)

I also know that my life has felt more blessed and more peaceful and rewarding when I have people around me that I strive to be like. People who lift me up, challenge my thoughts and fears, push me to be the best McGee around. Those people often have their own challenges but I admire their willingness to walk through them and do the dirty work of life.

So perhaps then, the healthy ratio is always the variable?

Maybe when life feels dangerously overwhelming we should be looking at the ratio and letting go of a few of those people who need fixing and spend a little more time with the people that inspire us.

What do you think?

It totally pays to live in L.A.
I know people, who know people.

It’s just how I roll.

-McGee

plans.

Sounds good, doesn't it?

Make a plan.

At least a one year plan.

I do lists.

And plans.

I use the word calendar as a verb.

But generally speaking,

When I make a plan...

The Universe giggles.

Not in an all out laugh, mind you.

More like in a...

"You are so cute that you thought that was how this was going down-thanks for playing, try again soon."

kinda way.

The cool thing I'm learning though is that the larger lesson is to roll with it, adjust "the plan" and be willing to let go.  I read today that setbacks are merely lessons and if you're willing to learn, you never fail.

Willing to learn.

I like that.

To hell with the plan!

-McGee

Tuesday morning rant...

Need.
To.
Write.

It’s been so long!
Not sure where to start.
But I know I’m happier when I’m writing!

So I’ll just treat you like Facebook today
And just tell you what’s on my mind…

Is it Monday? Feels painfully like Monday.
What is up with the LA weather this year?
Note to self: bills to pay today.
What a weekend-I am wiped out.
Need to plan a quick trip to Vegas.
It’s almost Fall.
Which means it’s almost Christmas!
Wow-so it’s almost 2011 too.
It’s been a great year.
I still have big plans to make in 2010.
I need to work out.
Time to get busy.

Where’s my Red Bull?
I need some wings.

Mmmmmmm…or some Big Wangs Terriyaki Wings!

God bless the man in my life that can keep up with this mind.

-McGee

little MANnerisms

Nothing like a little MANerism to bring me back.

I should preface this by confessing to you all that Mr. Man is THE cook in the house.  I can bake up a storm for sure but when it comes to dinner let's just say the kids are all disappointed when Mr. Man travels for work because they know mom is in charge of dinner.

So.
Today.

I'm making up some dips we bought at the county fair and the kids are ALL over me.  I wanna try, I want a taste, it's my turn, when is it ready...I snap and say "Enough, everyone out of my kitchen!"

And with total innocent and laking any malice my little man says...
"I thought this was DAD's kitchen."

While the teenagers took a BIG step back and out of the crossfires.

Ahhhhhhh...I love my little man.
Good thing he's cute.

McGee

soundtrack

Ever look at your life and feel like you're watching a movie?
In my "I'm so important" mind I tend to do that.
But I'm growing tired of the current soundtrack...

It's like somebody hit repeat on "Under Pressure" by Bowie and Queen.
Time for a change.

Here's my new fav...
And yes...I am a Wicked FREAK! 
(Seen it in three cities-love it, love it, LOVE IT!)

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down.

Can't really hear this song without getting emotional!
Thought I would share.

Curious what your current soundtrack or theme song may be!
-McGee

in the middle?

We're moving.
This is such a fun process.
In fact, Mr. Man just today remarked about how cheerful I've been.
I was not amused.

But...While I'm busy moving I just wanted to point you to an amazing post by one of my favorite bloggers about being in the middle and moving on through it.

Click this link:
http://themoxyprojectblog.com/2010/07/20/top-5-things-i-learned-on-my-summer-vacation/

Check it out.
Makes all the sense in the world to me right now!

-McGee

my heroes.

Hero.

Kind of an unreachable word that assumes perfection.
The amazing being that does it all, gets it all and see's it all.
With ease, grace and without mistake.

I've come to believe they don't exist.
At least not like that.

There are plenty of heroes in my life but none of them are perfect, which makes them human and reachable and someone I can strive to live like rather than Superman or Super Mom.  (Although I've always like Wonder Woman a bit more.)  So I think it's time to introduce you from time to time to some of my heroes.  And since today would have been one of my hero's 50th birthday had she still been on this earth I will start with her.

Deanna Jo.
She was rad. 
More like the epitome of the word "rad".

I've heard it often said that if you want to secure a firm place in my heart just love my children and you're golden.  My aunt Deanna was the absolute best at that.  The earliest pictures of me and Deanna are of me being dressed up like a nun or a cowgirl or just plain silly.  My earliest memories of her were being spirited away to play at a park, a dinosaur museum or the ice cream parlor.  My favorite memory as a kid though came at the ripe old age of 13.  Even then she was already my hero.

On a Friday night I had no plans but felt the need to get out of the house and stretch my 13 year old legs in the real world so I called my aunt to see what she was doing to see if I could tag along.  Mind you-she was young, single and had the social calendar of a social butterfly.  She told me that she would call me back.  An hour later I had made plans to spend the night at a neighbors house when she called to tell me she cancelled her plans to take me roller skating.  I tried to let her down easy. 

She was like that.
Always.

So as an adult with my own children you can imagine what it did for me to look back and see what she had done.  At one point in my life I was struggling with work, family, life and Deanna literally showed up at my door (we lived 2 hours apart) and announced that she would be taking my kids for the next three days while I tended to my life. 

No advance warning. 
No plan.
Just Deanna, the kids and good fun.

And she did just that.  She took them to the zoo, the Jelly Belly Factory, played around and was just plain silly.  I saw them late at night to tuck them in and by morning they were off on their next adventure.  They felt like they were the most important people on the planet.

It was really the most amazing thing to experience from both sides of the coin.  She had a way to make any child feel like they were the most important person.

But she was imperfect.
She had plenty of flaws, just like me.
And that makes her my hero.

Deanna left this world far too early.  It was devastating and tragic and not fair.  However.  I choose to remember her as one of my heroes for the love she put into the world and honor her by doing what I can to be more like her best self.  She loved me fiercely as a child and loved my children in a way that made me love her fiercely back. 

It is true.
Love my child, I will love you.

Deanna showed me that in no uncertain terms.
And I love her for that!

I'm sure I will share more heroes with you here about from time to time...but I can't think of a better one to start with.

Happy Birthday Aunt Banana's!
I miss you.

-McGee

letting go.

So I’m working on this project.
Project Me.

I’ve tried working on Project Everyone Else.
It didn’t really work.

See-I had a moment where I was bitterly complaining about the universe to Mr. Man-our rental house is being sold, my car needs replacing within 2 months and everything else was in chaos (at least that’s what the committee meeting in my head was telling me-more about that in another post to come). I told him I felt like a bad country western song. Ever the funny guy, Mr. Man suggested then that I play the song backwards.

Haha.

I responded, ever so forcefully with…
“NO. Maybe y’all need to play the song backwards-it’s not ME!”
(Yeah. I did actually say y’all. Had to totally commit to the theme.)

And back to therapy I go.

Because the only thing I control is me which makes the only person worth micromanaging and working on is…you guessed it…ME.

And here’s where Project Me is taking me. Maybe you can relate? I am in the process of learning to let go of the outcome. I realized I was not making decisions because I was so focused on the final life changing uber important outcome that I could never decide on even the most basic parts of the process. My anxiety about a particular decision was killing any sort of progress and literally freezing me in place.

My therapist had me make three lists:
1. If option A happened, how would I proceed to make decisions?
2. If option B happened, how would I proceed to make decisions?
3. If I let go of the outcome, how would I proceed to make decisions?

Understand that I am a serious planner. I make lists and I make plans. I don’t do well letting go or letting the universe take it’s course. I used to think I controlled the universe. I’m working on that too. So after I made the first two lists my therapist had me take off my glasses, put my two feet on the ground, breathe deeply and then write whatever came to mind for the third list.

The one list that seemed the most daunting, the most impossible to embrace, the most out of reach also felt the best. I was able to write out what I would do and how that would look and it looked good. And felt good! And I could breath.

So I let go.
Or am trying to.

I’m doing all I can and letting God and the universe take me where I’m supposed to go. It hasn’t been easy and I haven’t been great at it for more than an hour or two at a time but I do know it feels better when I do it. As a result I’ve had the best weekend with our family I’ve had in months and the best conversations with Mr. Man that don’t include the term “y’all” or any reference to country western music-much to his relief! I’m enjoying the process and letting good things in that I wouldn’t see if I were just focused on the final outcome.

I’m sure you’ll hear more about Project Me.
It’s going to be quite a ride!

-McGee

the play book.

Put me in coach.

I’m ready to play!
Just tell me what to do!

Oh wait.
You thought I was talking about basketball?
Maybe softball?

Nah.
This is my current conversation with the big man.
The one upstairs.

You see…I’m a list maker. I write things I’ve already done, on to do lists, just so I can start the list off with things I can already cross off! I’m a planner. Let’s make a plan and carry it through. There is safety and security in that. I can fly by the seat of my pants and live moment to moment (Pretty Woman, anyone?) but I do it best when I know what the grand plan is!

So when I make a plan…
And God laughs…
I start to worry.

Where is the book?
The play book.

The one that tells me what to do next and how to proceed.
The book that calls all the shots so I don’t have to.
The one that takes the calculated risk, knowing all that can happen and has a back up plan ready to go in case Play #1 doesn’t work out.

I believe in a higher power.
Other than Oprah.
Although I think she’s grand.

I believe that there is a plan for us but I also believe we have free agency-best gift ever-it means that God may know what’s best for us and sees our potential, however, we get to choose what to do in any given situation. Here’s the thing…I love that. I do! But I hate that other people get free agency! And I know that hate is a strong word and you shouldn’t use it all the time but I hate it. Why can’t everyone just do according to McGee’s plan?

(Insert insane laughter at my own expense here. No really. It’s ok. Laugh your ass off at me. I have learned to laugh at me and you can too!)

I was talking to a dear friend who’s in a situation that I’ve been in before. (Which, by the way, makes me feel very useful and that my pain is not for nothing-to be able to give guidance and love to another human being based on your own experience, strength and hope is divine.) And I realized that no matter how many times we’ve been in someone else’s shoes, we still can’t tell them what’s right or wrong or assume we know what’s right for them.

We can listen.
And love.
Offer an ear…
And a hug.

But at the end of the day we each make our own decisions based on what our own hearts and lives can handle. And that’s different for each of us. (Thank you Amy Ellen for those words of wisdom!) And that’s ok. It’s part of the plan.

And then I wonder if that play book did exist…

Wouldn’t that take away the point of this life?
Wouldn’t that take away our risk?
Would life be as painful?
But would it also be as rewarding?

And as pleasant as that sounds at the time…to have no true risk...
I believe Garth Brooks when he said…or sang…

"Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire."

So back into the fire I go.
Without a play book.
But with lots of heart and a little bit of faith.

(And can I just use the “H” word again and point out that I kinda hate it when I start a blog in the place of “why can’t it be easier” and then end it from a place of “duh, silly, it’s not easy and it’s supposed to be that way?” Thanks.)

-McGee

sorry's.

Why is it so hard?

No...
I’m not talking about putting down the chocolate.
Or loving your enemies.
Or even finding the motivation to work out.

Why is it so hard to say I’m sorry?
It’s never fun.
It’s rarely something we look forward to doing.

In fact…the minute something flies out of my mouth that I know shouldn’t have I instantly start dreading the apology I owe.

After having made a disaster of a week with Mr. Man and anyone else in my path I was having lunch with my girl Jen and explaining that I wasn’t even sure who was being more of an ass-myself or my loved ones.

She said something that will probably stick with me forever.
She told me this thing that changed the way I think about apologies.

Saying sorry doesn’t take anything away from who you are.
You never lose by saying I’m sorry.

So I did.
Don’t be too proud of me…
I started with an easy one.

Remember my toxic friend? The one I had to say my two cents to and then walk away gracefully? (see here) Well…here’s the thing…during our friendship she had constantly berated this other mutual person…and I totally bought into the hype and the gossip and as a result treated that person in a way I’m not proud of.

So I apologized.
And she was like…ok-thanks-I understand now-let’s move on.
It was awesome!

Now on to the harder ones…sigh.

-McGee

63 in 60

Where have I been you ask?

Where has McGee gone?
Why isn’t she writing?

I will tell you…
I’ve been here…

And as a result.
At night.
In my sleep.
All I hear over and over again is…

"Holy Monkey, that was funky
Moooove it over, Moooove it over."

Or

"Suzie is her number.
5 is her name.
Even though we’re mixed up,
We’re gonna win this game."

You see.
With three of the kids in sports…
63 games in 60 days.
That’s a lot of softball and tball.

I have had the honor of serving on the board of a softball organization along side 12 other volunteers, countless coaches and managers, and hundreds of parents to produce a softball season where 322 girls came to play and left it all out on the field.

There is nothing more rewarding than hearing a group of girls cheering each other on and then vowing to come back again next year and do it all over again.

But my favorite moment?
It had nothing to do with the score.

Mini McGee is playing first base at the Championship Game. A girl from the other team hits it to short, short throws to Mini McGee who reaches just into the line to catch the ball and as she does she gets caught up in the runner. A MAJOR tumble ensues where both girls look like a dust storm. As a mom-I hold my breath for a minute, waiting to see both girls stand up in one piece. As a coach-I hope she’s holding on to that ball tight! They both get up-runner is safe and they both dust themselves off.

Then.
There’s the moment.
The one that I love...

Mini-McGee reaches out her hand,
Right before the next pitch,
To high five her rival with a grin.
Because it’s all about good softball.

Winning is great.
Talent is awesome.
Connections made on that field
will last far beyond the talent or the score.
And for that-it’s all worth it!

Oh.
And.
I’m baaaaaack!

-McGee

little MANnerisms

OK.  DISCLAIMER:

Our family lives in a very diverse area and our kids are exposed to all sorts of shapes, colors and sizes.  This kid in particular didn't know how to seperate people according to race until he was in school. 

Even now I think he gets confused.

Reasons to think twice about listening to NPR

in the car with a 6 year old...

Mr. Man took Little Man to a Dodger game a couple weeks ago.  On the way Mr. Man was listening to NPR talk about the new (ass backwards-but that's for another time) legislation passed in Arizona relating to immigrants from Mexico.

Standing at the gates of Dodger Stadium...

Little Man:  Hey Dad?

Mr. Man:  Yeah buddy?

Little Man:  Are Mexican people allowed to be HERE?

Mind you. 

We live in Southern California.

And...

Little Man has one volume level

and it's surely loud enough for public consumption.

Thanks for taking one for the team Mr. Man!

Good times.

-McGee

top ten things I've learned as a mom.

10.  Boys and girls really ARE so different!

9.  Girlfriends are worth their weight in gold. When two or more mothers are gathered and supporting each other gently there is nothing more beautiful! On the flip side, when we tear each other down with comparison and judgment there is nothing more ugly.

8.  Sometimes it best to just cut off the onesie after a nasty blowout rather than pull it over baby’s head. Always have many onesies on hand.

7.  When you are a mom your heart walks around
outside of your body all day long.

6.  Diaper wipes really can remove marker from a wall.

5.  NEVER be without a package of diaper wipes. As soon as you are-you will be tempting fate and seriously regret it.

4.  The act of mothering does not require you birth a child nor be called mom. I have mothered children and been mothered by women with no biological ties who’s hearts will forever be connected to mine.

3.  Just because your teenagers friends think you’re cool doesn’t mean YOUR teen will ever admit it-although I think they are secretly grateful!

2.  Contrary to my teenage belief system, I do not know everything. 

In fact, sometimes, I know nothing!

1.  My mom is a large part of the reason I am who I am.

She taught me how to persevere, how to look for those who need help and open my arms to them, how to be a strong woman, how to shoot for the stars, how to walk through my heartache, how to apologize when I’m wrong, how to stay on my side of the street, how to give freely and how to just be me. It may have taken me awhile to appreciate who she is and how blessed I am to be her daughter-
those teen years I was sure I knew how to do her job better...
But today I can honestly say that I am one blessed daughter!

To all the women out there reading this-odds are good you've mothered a child or will in the future whether through biology or choices of the heart.  Cherish the other women around you, lean on them, appreciate them and learn from them.  Without the examples I've had I would not be who I am. 

And I kinda dig who I am today!

Happy Mother's Day to all.

-McGee

taking ownership.

I do this thing.
I caught one of my daughters doing it once.
It made me cringe.

And no-it has nothing to do with a crimping iron.
Or doing the cabbage patch.
(Although I am still pretty good at that one.)

It has to do with backing down, making excuses or just plain diminishing who I am or what I’m doing in an effort to make other people feel better.

Yuck.

Somewhere along the way I anointed myself “The One Who Needs to Take Care of Everyone’s Feelings” and what’s really weird is that I just found out that no one else really needs me to! Ok. Well. Little Man might need me to but that’s different!

I caught myself the other day hesitant to tell a friend about some good fortune that had come my way. I knew she would feel bad or envious so I just downplayed it all.

And was then promptly pissy about it to Mr. Man.
And when he pointed out how silly it was I started to think…

I went to a Moxy Project Workshop (http://www.themoxyproject.com/) last month where we focused a lot on the fact that we all operate and respond to situations based on a belief or story we learned along the way. The truth is-those old stories are often not valid or true anymore. We talked a lot about taking ownership and writing our new stories.

I’ve been mulling this over quite a bit and it’s starting to sink in. (I’m thick and stubborn sometimes so it takes time for me to come to Jesus and see things how they really are!)

I realize I get trapped in a guilty feeling when something good comes along because if people around me are miserable then I should be too. I mean, who am I to have a great life? The truth is this: I’ve made many hard decisions in my life to get me where I am today. Some were smart. Plenty were not. But I made them and I kept going, made the best of things and moved forward. That has placed me in a situation where my life is good and blessed and plentiful and even fun. And that-I don’t need to be guilty for. I have a humble pride in what I’ve done in life and what I’ve created. I feel good about who I am and that’s ok!

One of my first ever favorite quotes in life is often attributed to Nelson Mandela but it actually came from a book by Marianne Williamson.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,

gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously

give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

Thank you Ms. Williamson.
I will not shrink.
I will let my light shine.

And the next time I see my daughter shrink I will remind her to stand tall, let her light shine encouraging and inviting others in her presence to do the same.

-McGee

little MANnerisms

Introducing...Little Man!

So the red bump.

On his forehead.

Wrapping up his bath I tell him he needs to wash the shampoo out of his hair.  Rather than lay back and wash it out he throws himself head first under water to demonstrate that he can hold his breath.  SMACK!  Hits the bottom of the tub with his forehead.

"Sorry dude-still some soap left-try again."

Fully expecting him to lie back.

Nope.

SMACK! 

Again.

I say "wow-that can't have felt good!"

Little man rubs his head and says "No.  It can't."

just 10 things

ok.

Now that my kumbaya, can't we all just get along moment is out.
Let's move on to something a little more fun.

Ten things you didn't know about McGee...
But always wanted to.

10. I want to jump out of a plane. With a parachute, of course.

9. I once tore a ligament in my knee kicking a locker shut to impress a boy who may or may not have even been watching.

8. My dimple is not a dimple. It's a scar. From a drunk driving accident when I was 10. I wasn't drunk. Nor was I driving.

7. I would love to dress up like a drag queen for Halloween.
I'm 5'11".  I think I could pull it off.

6. I was 5'11" by the 6th grade.

5. My celebrity crushes are currently Dr. Drew and Kevin Smith.

4. I've seen the movies Can't Buy Me Love and Pretty Woman so many times, I can quote them in my sleep. And sometimes do.

3. I hate that celebrities are not afforded privacy. Yet I buy People magazine and check out TMZ.com all the time.

2. I once took an adult Hip Hop dance class and performed in front of like 1,000 people. I know there's video of it. I haven't been able to bring myself to watch it but I'm certain I was graceful and brilliant.

1. Next year I will be "mom" to a college student, a high schooler, one in middle school, one in elementary school and a pre-schooler. And I think it would be fun to have a newborn too. I guess that makes me crazy!

Ten things.
Goofy things.
I know you've just been dying to know!

-McGee

mcgee goes to Washington!

So.

Politics and religion.
Don't go there.
I know.
But here's the thing...

I finally took a trip to our nation's amazing capital! I have been wanting to go since my parents decided it was not in our family's core values to send an 8th grader with random kids and chaperones on a school sanctioned trip to Washington D.C. Not a fan at the decision at the time. And by the way mom, I did take a picture of happy eight grade students just to show you that EVERYONE is doing it. I'll email it to ya.

White House?
Eh.
It was cool but it's a house.

Then we got to the mall.
Not the Nordstrom kinda mall.
The National Mall.

Ahhhhhhhhhh...
What a cool experience.
Which leads me to talk about politics.
Sorta.

It doesn't matter which party I affiliate lean towards.
It doesn't matter which way I vote.
It does matter that I'm a human being and I want a better world to live in.

As we were at the Lincoln Memorial I was reading his second inaugural speech engraved into the wall and this jumped right out at me:

"While the inaugeral address was being delivered from this place, devoted altogether to saving the Union without war, insurgent agents were in the city seeking to destroy it without war—seeking to dissole the Union, and divide effects, by negotiation. Both parties deprecated war; but one of them would make war rather than let the nation survive; and the other would accept war rather than let it perish. And the war came...

...Neither party expected for the war, the magnitude, or the duration, which it has already attained. Neither anticipated that the cause of the conflict might cease with, or even before, the conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph, and a result less fundamental and astounding. Both read the same Bible, and pray to the same God; and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces; but let us judge not that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered; that of neither has been answered fully. The Almighty has his own purposes."

I sat there for a moment feeling so disappointed. Are we really there again? Are we really willing, as a nation, to remain so divided? Did we not learn anything from the past? What would Abraham Lincoln think if he stood in the halls of Congress today? I can't help but think he would be discouraged.

I see two political parties that both pray to the same God and invoke His aid against the other.  How strange is that?

I fear what the division will mean for me as a citizen.
For my children.
For our nation.

What I do know is that I pray that we will come to the table to be strong together and not just right in our own minds and in our own social circles. I know I will look at issues and how they affect human beings and not party lines. I know that I would never want to be a politician because it's harder than most of us give credit for but because of that I will pray that they open their minds on both sides and find solutions for our people, all of us, no matter what we believe or how we vote.

I generally stay away from politics in a public forum but it was so impactful that I couldn't leave it alone. So thanks for humoring me, hope it moves you to at least stop and think-I would love to hear your thoughts.

Because maybe it's just me.
Maybe I'm wrong.

But I doubt it.

-McGee

And if you would like to read President Lincoln's speech in all it's complete glory you can find it here.

stewart smalley

I’m good enough.
I’m smart enough.
And Gosh Darn it…
People like me!

I totally had a Stewart Smalley moment tonight.

You see…I am a nice person.
I really am.
So when people are horrifically out of line or mean to me
I just don’t get it.

We used to tease my littlest sister about this very thing. Every teacher, child, adult she came across literally until like the age of 12 ADORED her. Every. Last. One. Then she got to this one class and was frustrated with the teacher. When my mom asked her what the deal was she responded that the teacher just didn’t like her and she didn’t get it because everyone else liked her! Oh. To live a life where everyone loves you.

I totally get that there are people on this planet that don’t like me. It’s ok. I can take it. We don’t all have to be friends. But there is a level of adult respect that I assume I can expect from the people I interact with. Because I’m the nice girl.

In the past two years of my life I have come across a small handful of the most hurtful, vicious, crazy adults that have chosen to be mean spirited and just down right out of line, to me, the nice girl.

Pause for a moment of gasp.
I know right?
How dare they!
Back to the story now…

All of them have been “friends” until I realized they REALLY weren’t. The first three I lashed out at and fought back spending time and energy thinking I would make them see how wrong they were and I would make them miserable too. Not really sure it worked and I was tired and emotionally depleted.  I think they were miserable but I KNOW I was.

And then the recent two…I’m quite proud of. Not because I enjoy being taken advantage of or having someone go crazy SWF on me but because of how I handled my part. In both situations I gave myself a time out-time enough to breath so I didn’t say something I would regret-and then I said my peace clearly and I walked away cleanly.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is progress!

But back to Stewart Smalley.  I’ve been really hurt and frustrated and trying not to be consumed by someone else’s ugly behavior. Tonight I got a call from a dear friend, a Facebook post from someone I think is rad and one of my little sisters friend popped up on Facebook to say hi and he can’t wait until we come visit this weekend in D.C.

And then I was thinking.

Hey, wait a minute.
Plenty of people like me.
Not because they have to.
But because they want to.

I think it’s so easy to get caught in the hate, the drama and the people that want to drag us down but you know what? It’s such a more peaceful existence when I bask in the people who love me and let the crazy biatches go on with their bad selves somewhere else without my energy or attention.

So boys and girls…
Be nice.
Or as I heard on RuPaul’s Drag Race tonight…
“Nobody likes a hateful ho. Girl you need to be sweet.”

Stewart Smalley had it right.
Because I’m good enough,
I’m smart enough.
And Gosh Darn it…people like me!

-McGee

next right thing.

It’s really weird.
I used to have all the answers.
And a grand master plan.

I wonder what happened?

Oh. That’s right. I got real.

I used to think I knew how my life would go-I had steps in mind to get me where I was going and a plan that everyone around me needed to subscribe to. Because it was my plan which meant it was good. And right.

And then, like it does, life kinda jumped out from around the corner the way my kids do to scare me when I’m walking down the hall. I’ve heard that the way to make God laugh is to make plans. So I made Him laugh-so what?

But there is hope! The older I get, the more I’ve made peace with a truth that just may save my life yet.
Are you ready for this?
Are you sitting down?

I don’t know everything.

There.
I said it.

I have found myself at a familiar crossroad. I’ve been here before and I’ll be here again. It has to do with not being sure about the future but being sure there’s more out there in store for me, for us, for our family. I know where I want to go, I know the kind of human beings I want to raise, I know the life I want to live and the man I want to live it with but when it comes to eating an elephant I also know I need to attack it one bite at a time.

There’s a manageability to the concept of doing the next right thing. And by that I mean the next correct thing, not the next best thing. It’s overwhelming when I look at the path I want to take and feel unsure about the whole journey. When I look at what I CAN do next and just do THAT I feel empowered and hopeful. I’ve tried eating the whole elephant in one bite but it never works and I always end up with a belly ache and a mess!

So I’ll do what I did last time I was here.
I’ll do the next right thing.
I’ll take the next step I see to take.
I won’t worry so much about the entire road,
Just the next turn.

Last time I did it I ended up right where I needed to be.
I think it’s time to do it again!

-McGee

rolling with the punches.

First texts of the day today…

Sarah: How was your birthday dinner and weekend?
McGee: There’s a good story behind it as usual but it was super fun!
Sarah: Blog about it?

LOVE that when I have a crazy story my friends are all about reading it in my blog!  (P.S. my friend Sarah writes an awesome blog-click HERE and check her out-she's rad!)

One of the things I am most grateful for in my relationship with the beloved Mr. Man is that we are, generally speaking, able to roll with the punches and make the best out of our sometimes misfortune! This weekend is a good case in point…

Saturday:
Great hike with awesome new friends.
Housekeepers cleaning.
Coached a softball game and came home with a big win.
Dinner was to be at The Melting Pot-my fav-for my birthday!

So we get all dressed up for the evening, I’m wearing a new shirt, feeling terribly cute and spunky and for the first time in public I’m wearing my moxy shoes-the coolest red shoes with attitude ever. I’m ready for a great night! Mr. Man is looking awfully fine as well. I get a little ornery when he doesn’t really mention my outfit. And we poke a little at each other on our way to the restaurant. With a little bit of tension in the air we find the glass door marked Melting Pot and I go to open it but it’s clearly not opening. Mr. Man see’s the door next to it that looks like it shares a lobby and while he walks in he’s got a little pep in his step. A little attitude like-Hey McGee, what are you thinking? You should have gone this way.” And as he walks strongly so I would follow he hits this force field of glass-floor to ceiling glass-the cleanest, clearest glass I’ve ever seen that separates the two lobbies. It made a crash that was shocking as he bounced right off that glass! It was as though God reached down and knocked the cocky out of him right there.

I couldn’t help it.
I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe.
And to his credit…so did he.

Until he realized he was about to be gushing blood.

See-he cut his nose on his glasses pretty good AND he hit hard enough that he also had a bloody nose coming on. So after trying hard to stop laughing we head back to the car to see if we can wait it out and try to still do dinner.

Not so much.
So we called it a night.
And the moxy shoes sadly went back in the box.

Sunday:
Mr. Man found last minute Laker tickets on eBay!
And I’ve never been to The Pantry.
So brunch at the famous Pantry and an afternoon with Kobe.

But the Pantry has a line like no other.
Alternate plan.
Riordins Tavern serves breakfast next door!

Off to Staples Center.
Run into not one but TWO celebs!
Makes MY day!
Wait in line until…
“Sorry sir-your tickets have already been used.
These are just duplicates.”

WHAT?!?!?
Spend the next hour getting our money back.
Wander around LA Live.
What the heck-we’ll see a movie instead!
Clash of the Titans it is.

And then on the way home, dear sweet Mr. Man with the swollen nose asks if I’m hungry. And what do you know-we end up at The Melting Pot. Delicious! And just for the record…we opted for the front entrance but you can still see the smudges from Mr. Man’s face in that uber clean glass wall out the back door.

So at the end of the weekend, as we’re laughing at ourselves and our misfortunes while counting our blessings and discussing where life is headed we realize…life is less about making plans that work out and more about enjoying the way life unfolds.

I used to be a planner.
I used to need things to work out just the way I planned.
And if something didn’t work out-the day was ruined.

This rolling with the punches?
It’s still newer to me.
But I love the way it feels!

-McGee

birthday gratitude.

Sometimes I get bogged down.
And the list of agitations and obligations weighs on me-
Gives me a skewed perspective of what my life really is.

And then other times I think I don’t want to brag.
Why share my blessings if it makes someone else think I have it all?
(I mean really. Have you READ my blog? You KNOW it’s not all roses!)
So I’ll downplay the good things.

Either way?
I’m stuck in my own head!

So for my birthday today, I decided to just live my day with gratitude and this is what I’ve come up with. Not a complete list mind you, but one that made me smile and helped me find my perspective again and maybe even my mojo, my moxy, my mcgee-ness!

Things I’m grateful for:
(by the way-I hate spelling grateful...
did you know it’s not spelled GREATful? Lame.)

I get to wake up next to my best friend. Not a dog, not Amy Ellen-although she is the bomb diggity, but mr. man himself!

I have a 12 year old daughter that made me pancakes with love at 7am and a 14 year old daughter that ended my day with homemade applesauce muffins.

Great thanks to my mom for pushing me into a coffee date with this chick Jen who she swore was to be my new friend for eternity. Who knew that Jen would be so rad AND introduce me to a new group of women AND share a church with me that is just what my little family needed?

Little Man. Have you READ the little mannerism sections?
Need I say more?

A new love for green veggies. (Thanks mr. man for that one!)

Living by the ocean.

For 12 and 14 year old daughters who know how to cook meals, clean up and do their own laundry and a 5 year old who’s dying to know how to do those things too!

My J-O-B. It’s just a job but it pays the bills and I’m blessed to have one.

Incredible, nurturing, loving friends who blew up my phone, my texts and my Facebook all to say happy birthday in their own ways.

An extended family made up of sisters, brother types, aunts, uncles, cousins, and my mom-priceless and precious.

Kids who loved me to pieces all day showering me with love and gifts.

And then there’s mr. man…who rocked the birthday kasbah with amazing dinner, balloons and streamers, pampering me all night, helping the kids spoil me and making them feel a part of it all, who knows just what will make me smile and gives it all freely. And who knows I NEED to see Chelsea Handler AND U2!

So.
You know.
Life has it’s bumps.
Mean people suck.
And I do not love the IRS.

But.

I am blessed.
And for that I am greatly full!

I highly recommend living a day in gratitude on purpose.
What a day!

-McGee

little MANerisms

Walking out of church on Easter Sunday I ask Little Man what he learned about in his class.

"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.  Mom.  It's ALWAYS just Jesus."

Well. 
I guess he better get used to it!

-McGee

control. or lack thereof.

Recipe for disaster:

1 control freak.
1 best friend in medical crisis.
1 fiance in custody fight court chaos.
Just a pinch of a good meeting in a work day.

Mix together all in one 12 hour space of time.
Stand back and watch the chemical reaction.

The universe did not pull through for me today.
Or maybe it did.
Maybe there’s a lesson here that I haven’t put together yet.
I’m sure there is.

I woke up excited for the prospects of the day. My dearest friend (who lives far away) was in labor about to have her first baby. Mr. Man was about to finish the long haul of his custody fight in court. I had a planned a busy work day to keep my mind off both and get some of my work mojo back!

Short version:
Labor was particularly difficult, scary and laborious.
Court was short and unproductive.
Work was a joke.

And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about any of them.

So I tried to reboot.
I tried to look for good news.
I took a deep breath. Or ten.
I dropped some tears.

And then I remembered that sometimes I have to just do what I can do and then trust that God, the universe, or my higher power-whatever that may be-will take care of what needs to happen and provide a way for me to deal with whatever comes next.

And in the end mom and baby are alive and well.
Legalities are technicalities that will be worked out soon.
Work starts fresh for a new month starting now.

I know hate is a strong word and I shouldn’t use it all the time. But
I hate that feeling of helpless when a loved one is compromised.
I hate feeling out of control.

However…

I love the feeling of good friends circling around.
I love coming home to what’s inside our four walls.
I love that today is just a day.

And I love that I know if I do what I can and trust the universe to take care of the rest, it usually does and life is what it’s supposed to be.

Sadly…I think the universe was just reminding me that I have to keep letting go. I can’t do everything. I’m not supposed to!

The only thing I can control is my reaction to the world around me.

So I ate some strawberry shortcake on purpose.

I choose to snuggle up with my man and watch Survivor.
(GO RUSSELL!)

And I’m choosing to go to bed and wake up ready to go again!

-McGee

little MANnerisms

Standing in the doorway to the bathroom Little Man whispers trying hard to get my attention...

"Mom."
"Moooooom"
"Hey mom-I think I need to go see my doctor."

Why buddy?

"I "go" every night and every morning and sometimes too often."

What are you talking about Little Man?

"It was on a commercial today-it said I should see a doctor if I go too much or too often.  And I have to go every day. A lot."

See what I mean?
He is a riot!

-McGee

The start of little MANnerisms

I was asked recently if I write down funny things my kids say.

Keep in mind the oldest kid I've raised is about to graduate from high school-Let's just call him BMOC (Big Man on Campus) he's funny-but too cool to really say silly things these days.

Mini-McGee is always cracking me up.
Mostly because she's a teenager now.

Little Miss is a clever smart ass. 
Don't really know where that came from.

But Little Man.
He is a riot.
Not on purpose, mind you, but a riot none the less.

And then there's Soapy D-or The D-those are her gansta names.  She's Little Man's biggest fan and the two of them together are awesome.

August 15, 2012 edited to add The Bean! She's out little jelly bean, the baby of the family and everyone's favorite sibling. Can't wait to see what she has to say!

So I started writing them down and I think I'll call them...
LITTLE MANerisms. 
Since most of them start or end with Little Man.

They'll pop up every once in awhile.
See the first one in the post below.

Enjoy!

-McGee

you're kidding. right?

6:41am Yesterday
Knock on the bedroom door. Groggily open it ready to be upset with my 5 year old for waking me 20 minutes before my alarm goes off only to find my 11 year old, who has been fighting with her little brother about how he needs to get ready right away. We have an HOUR before we leave for school. He takes about 15 MINUTES to get ready.

Should have called in sick to life.

10:00am
Annual pap smear.
Doctor is running late.
Lovely exam, always a good time.
And let’s throw a tetanus shot in there to sweeten the deal.

10:42am
Ran home to grab my work cell phone that I left charging. Checked my bank account online to transfer some cash and there is a zero balance.

ZERO.
In all four accounts.
Day before there was a SIGNIFICANT amount more than that!

Must be a system error. Call the bank. Mr. Customer Service puts me on hold to figure it out. When he comes back on the line he says “Found the golden ticket-I know where your money went. I’ll transfer you to legal. The IRS took it.”

Yup-should not have gotten out of bed today. Knew it.

10:53am
The room stops spinning and I get on the phone with the beloved IRS. Apparently, there’s an old tax bill that, lets just say is not my responsibility but has my SSN associated with it. And the IRS? They do not like being ignored. And the other party responsible? He was in “ignoring the problem" mode.

IRS wants their money.
So they took it.
Every last cent I had.

11:00am
Call in mentally ill for work.

3:29pm
Finally get all the paperwork necessary for the IRS to release what I know now is called a levy on my bank accounts. Should have access to my money again-all of it-by Monday. They are the IRS so SHOULD is the operative word here. Mr. Stork of the Detroit branch of the Internal Revenue System-thank you-you are wonderful-even if your sense of humor was a little off.

5:15pm
Time for a bikini wax. And way overdue. Because at this point-my life today already sucks, might as well inflict as much pain as I can so that tomorrow can be a better day!

5:21pm
HOLY CRAP THAT HURTS!

7:30pm
It’s just the start of my darling daughter, Mini McGee’s, softball game. Coldest I’ve ever been at a softball game. My butt is frozen solid by the time we leave at 9:30pm with three tired kids and a headache.

Should have called in sick to life. I know.
But Thursday will be a better day.

7:55am Today
Little Man is not feeling well on the way to school.
Really not feeling well.
I don’t believe him.
So he throws up all over my car to prove his point.

Sigh.
I give up.
At least for today.

Moral to the story?
Just do the next necessary thing.
And laugh at yourself.
Twice a day, or as needed.

-McGee